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Kristin Simmons Art
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Card For When “Congrats” Just Isn’t Enough Funny retro-style card with profanity, rainbow background, and vibrant cosmic design celebrating achievement. Cheeky celebration card with profanity, rainbow triangle, and a black background filled with retro stars. Colorful encouragement card with “You Did That Sht!” text in bold 70s-style font and starburst accents.
Card For When “Congrats” Just Isn’t Enough
$6.50
15% of Zero F*cks Card Greeting card with woman explaining pie chart to coworker and snarky text about zero effort. Sarcastic card with office humor, vintage computer, and emotionally detached commentary.
15% of Zero F*cks Card
$6.50
“Well, F*ck” – The Most Honest Sympathy Card Elegant white card with floral sketch and brutally honest text for emotional moments. Funny dark humor greeting card with lily of the valley and relatable expletive.
“Well, F*ck” – The Most Honest Sympathy Card
$6.50
'Till Death and Beyond Card Cute ghost love card with message “I love you so much I’m gonna haunt you when I die” and red heart. Funny Valentine’s or anniversary card with illustrated ghost and eternal love quote.
'Till Death and Beyond Card
$6.50
Unhinged Bakesale Card Sarcastic greeting card with a competitive baking twist and bold pink retro design. Sarcastic greeting card with a competitive baking twist and bold pink retro design.
Unhinged Bakesale Card
$6.50
Cheesy Wisdom Card Motivational pizza-themed card with humorous quote about portion sizes and confidence. Cheeky self-love greeting card with pizza quote printed in elegant red font on recycled paper.
Cheesy Wisdom Card
$6.50
Sold Out
Medieval Indifference, Modern Mood – The “No F*cks” Card Greeting card in medieval woodcut style with humorous quote about not caring anymore. Funny adult greeting card in vintage style saying “Lay thine eyes upon it... it is barren.”
Medieval Indifference, Modern Mood – The “No F*cks” Card
$6.50
Naked Truth Card Funny greeting card with blue sketch of Aphrodite on a clamshell and sarcastic aquarium-themed quote. Humor card featuring Greek goddess joke comparing Aphrodite to a drunk person banned from aquarium. Blue and white greeting card with classical art humor and witty commentary on public nudity.
Naked Truth Card
$6.50
Weird Together Card A romantic and quirky greeting card with a waving flag that says "Weird Together Forever." Playful illustrated card with a flag design that reads "Weird Together Forever."
Weird Together Card
$6.50
Greatest Gift Bunny Card A heartfelt greeting card with hugging bunnies and the message "You Are My Greatest Gift" in warm colors. Retro bunny-themed card with hand-drawn hugging bunnies and the message "You Are My Greatest Gift." Cute and colorful card featuring whimsical bunny illustrations and a heartfelt message.
Greatest Gift Bunny Card
$6.50
Flamingo Floatie Bday Card Fun and colorful birthday card featuring whimsical flamingo and cocktail illustrations, perfect for summer celebrations. Retro flamingo-themed birthday card with hand-drawn illustration of a flamingo float and cocktail, featuring vibrant colors and the message "Have a Wet & Wild Birthday."
Flamingo Floatie Bday Card
$6.50
Blooms & Shrooms Card Cute and colorful thank you card featuring whimsical mushroom and flower illustrations and a cheerful thank you message. Retro thank you card with hand-drawn smiling mushrooms and flowers, featuring vibrant colors and the message "Thank You."
Blooms & Shrooms Card
$6.50
Eighth Wonder Mother's Day Card Funny and colorful greeting card declaring "My Mom is the Eighth Wonder of the World," with retro-inspired illustrations celebrating moms. Retro-styled Mother's Day card with vintage goddess theme and humorous text. Fun and unique card with retro goddess design, celebrating the best mom ever.
Eighth Wonder Mother's Day Card
$6.50
Bday Smile Robot Card Birthday greeting card featuring a playful group of colorful robots of various sizes and shapes, with the phrase "Your Birthday is a Reason to Smile." Cute and colorful birthday card featuring whimsical robot illustrations and a fun message. A colorful birthday card featuring a group of cheerful, retro-style robots.
Bday Smile Robot Card
$6.50
I Ain't Lion Bday Card Retro-style birthday card featuring a playful cartoon lion and the pun "Your Birthday Is the Mane Event." Retro lion birthday card with colorful hand-drawn design and humorous pun "Your Birthday is the Mane Event and I Sure Ain't Lion." Birthday card with a playful lion illustration and a large, pun-filled phrase "Your Birthday is the Mane Event and I Sure Ain't Lion".
I Ain't Lion Bday Card
$6.50
Elephant Thank You Card Elephant-themed thank you card with bold, colorful text expressing gratitude for love and kindness. Retro elephant thank you card with colorful hand-drawn design and heartfelt message "Thank you for your love and kindness." Cute thank you card featuring a whimsical elephant illustration and vibrant retro colors, perfect for expressing gratitude.
Elephant Thank You Card
$6.50
You're Killer Orca Card Bright and playful card design with an orca jumping in front of a tropical sunset and the words "You're Killer." Retro "You're Killer" card with hand-drawn killer whale design and vibrant colors, perfect for sending encouragement. Motivational greeting card featuring a colorful retro killer whale illustration and the message "You're Killer."
You're Killer Orca Card
$6.50
Thank You Retro Neon Card Retro thank-you card featuring a vibrant rainbow, planets, and a bold "Thank You" design. Retro thank you card with hand-drawn rainbows and planets, featuring vibrant colors and the message "Thank You." Thank you card featuring a retro 80s sunset design with bold "THANK YOU" typography in vibrant colors of pink and purple.
Thank You Retro Neon Card
$6.50
Work of Art Bday Card Retro artist-themed birthday card with hand-drawn art supplies and the message "Happy Birthday to a True Work of Art." Birthday card with an illustration of a wooden artist's mannequin painting, surrounded by colorful art supplies, under the caption "Happy Birthday to a True Work of Art."
Work of Art Bday Card
$6.50
Lookin' Sharp Bday Card Colorful birthday card displaying a cartoon shark with 'Happy Birthday' in bold letters at the top and 'Lookin' Sharp!' in a speech bubble, set against a vibrant yellow and purple sunset background. Happy birthday pop art shark on surfboard greeting card.
Lookin' Sharp Bday Card
$6.50
“It’s Not Me, It’s You” – Card Retro greeting card with vintage lady illustration and funny quote about blaming others. Stylish greeting card with passive aggressive humor in retro design. Funny apology card with elegant design and humorous message about emotional avoidance.
“It’s Not Me, It’s You” – Card
$6.50

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View fullsize Hi @delta i’m on flight 2396 and there is a man clipping his nails 2 seats next to me so this might be my last communication as a free woman 
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #airplanemodeon #traumaprocessingclub #milehighdrama
View fullsize When it’s a snow day so you start decluttering your drunk drawers and then you’re like “oh maybe yeah I can make something artistic out of this…” and then all of a sudden 7 hours go by and you’re like wtf did I ju
View fullsize Going to miss my nice little existential crisis from refilling my MetroCard. Now it’s just tap, pay, and cry in silence.
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #nycnostalgia #subwayaesthetics #endofanera #mtafarewell #metrocardsaga #t
View fullsize I face-swapped on my IG feed with Taylor Swift once and it performed alarmingly well. Now she’s on Disney+ and I’ve returned—older, weirder… and still very committed to the bit. Is this creativity? Is this emotional regressio
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View fullsize It’s giving Scandinavian design meets late-stage capitalism breakdown. Just a little tray… with a big ask.
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #conceptualdecor #textbasedart #modernhomevibes #artmeetsdesign #dailyreminder #e
View fullsize Cookie Monster entered his Fauvist period and frankly, the art market wasn’t ready. Sotheby’s called it “deliriously unhinged.” He called it Monday.
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #popartdaily #contemporaryar
View fullsize Today, I emailed a psychiatrist and a celebrity medium. Whoever gets back to me first wins, and that’s how we do self care in the Year of Our Lord 2026.
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #modernrituals #burnoutbutmakeitfashion #m
View fullsize BREAKING NEWS: The Universe has never heard of fiscal responsibility. Meanwhile, you’re out here politely asking for crumbs like a Victorian orphan in a recession. DEMAND THE METAPHORICAL LOBSTER.
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsar
View fullsize Finally…pens that scream “I’m emotionally available and professionally exhausted.” Excellent for gifts, breakups, or “just because” moments when you want to tell someone, “Here, be sad…but chic about
View fullsize This weather and time of year really separates the true alcoholics from the casual drinkers—and the citrus garnishers from the clinically unwell.
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#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #contemporaryartdaily #artwithattitude #emotional
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