Skip to Content
Kristin Simmons Art
Home
Work
Fine Art
Collaborations
Commissions
Exhibitions
About
Artist Statement
Purpose Statement
CV
FAQs
Press
Articles
Podcasts
Testimonials
Videos
Shop
0
0
Kristin Simmons Art
Home
Work
Fine Art
Collaborations
Commissions
Exhibitions
About
Artist Statement
Purpose Statement
CV
FAQs
Press
Articles
Podcasts
Testimonials
Videos
Shop
0
0
Home
Folder: Work
Back
Fine Art
Collaborations
Commissions
Exhibitions
Folder: About
Back
Artist Statement
Purpose Statement
CV
FAQs
Folder: Press
Back
Articles
Podcasts
Testimonials
Videos
Shop
Shop 15% of Zero F*cks Card
Greeting card with woman explaining pie chart to coworker and snarky text about zero effort. Image 1 of 2
Greeting card with woman explaining pie chart to coworker and snarky text about zero effort.
Sarcastic card with office humor, vintage computer, and emotionally detached commentary. Image 2 of 2
Sarcastic card with office humor, vintage computer, and emotionally detached commentary.
Greeting card with woman explaining pie chart to coworker and snarky text about zero effort.
Sarcastic card with office humor, vintage computer, and emotionally detached commentary.

15% of Zero F*cks Card

$6.00

Description

This card proves once and for all that you can, in fact, calculate apathy. It's for anyone who’s ever explained basic emotional math to a Tommy—and still watched him miss the point.

Features

  • ‍‍📊 Hilariously sarcastic graph-based humor: Features a retro office scene with the cold hard math of zero emotional investment.

  • 🖨️ Vintage computer art meets modern apathy: Because nothing says “I don’t care” like a pie chart created in 1987.

  • 😒 Perfect for coworkers, friends, or burned-out humans: Whether it's a birthday, resignation, or just another day in hell—I mean, the office—this card hits the mark.

  • 🧠 Dark humor printed with precision: A masterclass in snark, stats, and not giving a single measurable damn.

What Makes This Great

This card is peak adulting energy: a professional-looking pie chart that delivers an emotional mic drop. It's the corporate equivalent of flipping a table—just way more printable.

Quantity:
Add To Cart

Description

This card proves once and for all that you can, in fact, calculate apathy. It's for anyone who’s ever explained basic emotional math to a Tommy—and still watched him miss the point.

Features

  • ‍‍📊 Hilariously sarcastic graph-based humor: Features a retro office scene with the cold hard math of zero emotional investment.

  • 🖨️ Vintage computer art meets modern apathy: Because nothing says “I don’t care” like a pie chart created in 1987.

  • 😒 Perfect for coworkers, friends, or burned-out humans: Whether it's a birthday, resignation, or just another day in hell—I mean, the office—this card hits the mark.

  • 🧠 Dark humor printed with precision: A masterclass in snark, stats, and not giving a single measurable damn.

What Makes This Great

This card is peak adulting energy: a professional-looking pie chart that delivers an emotional mic drop. It's the corporate equivalent of flipping a table—just way more printable.

Description

This card proves once and for all that you can, in fact, calculate apathy. It's for anyone who’s ever explained basic emotional math to a Tommy—and still watched him miss the point.

Features

  • ‍‍📊 Hilariously sarcastic graph-based humor: Features a retro office scene with the cold hard math of zero emotional investment.

  • 🖨️ Vintage computer art meets modern apathy: Because nothing says “I don’t care” like a pie chart created in 1987.

  • 😒 Perfect for coworkers, friends, or burned-out humans: Whether it's a birthday, resignation, or just another day in hell—I mean, the office—this card hits the mark.

  • 🧠 Dark humor printed with precision: A masterclass in snark, stats, and not giving a single measurable damn.

What Makes This Great

This card is peak adulting energy: a professional-looking pie chart that delivers an emotional mic drop. It's the corporate equivalent of flipping a table—just way more printable.

You Might Also Like

I Ain't Lion Bday Card Retro lion birthday card with colorful hand-drawn design and humorous pun "Your Birthday is the Mane Event and I Sure Ain't Lion." Birthday card with a playful lion illustration and a large, pun-filled phrase "Your Birthday is the Mane Event and I Sure Ain't Lion".
I Ain't Lion Bday Card
$6.50
Flamingo Floatie Bday Card Retro flamingo-themed birthday card with hand-drawn illustration of a flamingo float and cocktail, featuring vibrant colors and the message "Have a Wet & Wild Birthday." birthday-flamingo-card.jpg birthday-flamingo-card.jpg
Flamingo Floatie Bday Card
$6.50
Unhinged Bakesale Card Sarcastic greeting card with a competitive baking twist and bold pink retro design.
Unhinged Bakesale Card
$6.50
“Well, F*ck” – The Most Honest Sympathy Card Funny dark humor greeting card with lily of the valley and relatable expletive.
“Well, F*ck” – The Most Honest Sympathy Card
$6.50
Weird Together Card Playful illustrated card with a flag design that reads "Weird Together Forever."
Weird Together Card
$6.50

Want more?

Need more?

Want more? Need more? Want more? Need more?

Subscribe to My Newsletter

I don’t even like sending emails, so there’s no way you’ll get spammed.

Thank you!

Jump on the rollercoaster of irony and self-deprecation

Follow me @KristinSimmonsArt

View fullsize Laying down to level up—because perspective is everything and standing is overrated.
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #textbasedart #contemporaryartdaily #artthatmakesyouthink #conceptualartwork #wittyart #popartvibes #artandtex
View fullsize
View fullsize
View fullsize
View fullsize Gravity works harder on wanderlust.
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #artandtravel #contemporarycollage #modernpopart #femalepopartist #artcollectorlife #galleryvibes #mixedmediaart #fineartdaily #artworldhype #collectorcurated #artsy
View fullsize Twin flames but make it celestial—burning ambition wrapped in Yves Klein blue and star-studded delusion.
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #popartdaily #artcollectorsofinstagram #boldandbright #contemporaryartist #colorfulart #ar
View fullsize Me pitching a floral install: “So imagine if your favorite childhood fairytale character took a Xanax and went to Coachella in couture…” 
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #floralinstallation #flowerartistry #floraldesi
View fullsize
View fullsize Dinner party RSVP: me, a fork, and the ghost of a 2003 Claire’s employee who whispers “accessorize or die” into my dreams.
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #artpop #visualfeast #jewelryart #y2kaesthetic #forkingfabul
View fullsize When your sneakers and the hyacinths are both extra—synergy.
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #purplevibes #hyacinthlove #purpleflowers #monochromelook #purpleeverything #sneakerart #floralinspo #colorcoordinated #artmeetsnature
View fullsize Shoutout to the original multitool in human form @kpsnyc 
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #mothersdayart #momlifebelike #strongmoms #momtribute #mothersdaygiftidea #popartmoments #artforher #modernmotherhood #mompower #thanksmom #cel
View fullsize Dear New York, I dressed up just for you—and no, I’m not taking it off.
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
.⁣
#ksoriginalart #kristinsimmonsart #newyorkart #colorpop #cityscapeart #urbanjungle #artcollectors #vibrantart #modernartcollector #artlovers #gallerywa

Contact Privacy Terms

© Copyright 2025 Kristin Simmons Art. All Rights Reserved.